Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The air was thick with penises
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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