Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
