he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
