Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
