I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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