Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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