She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
