someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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