My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
