Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
