I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
