We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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