I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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