I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
