once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
