he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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