Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
