Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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