Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
