Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
