Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
