I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
