loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
