Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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