Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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