watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
