Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
