i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
