People with herpes should wear stickers.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
