so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
