maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
