"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
