well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
