no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
