he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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