I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
