I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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