I wish life had little blips of pornography
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
