I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
