i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
