Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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