It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
