Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
