Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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