Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
