just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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