i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
