I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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