i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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