My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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